Questionable taste

I have a weakness for farts. They always crack me up. (This topic is Brian’s secret weapon for when I am in a bad mood.) In fact, I am a fan of bodily functions in general and have been known to cause people to burp more frequently as a result of simply being in my presence. I guess that’s my super power.

Anyway imagine the giggle fest when I found this: The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy – Farts and Flatulence. Some choice excerpts:

The cellulose in vegetables cannot be digested, therefore vegetarians produce more gas than people with a mixed diet. There is no difference in the chemistry of male and female digestion, hence men and women emit the same amounts of gas. However, men apparently have more fun doing it.

In the middle ages, loudly breaking wind was an act of appreciation to the housewife: Martin Luther is quoted as supposedly having said Warum rülpset und furzet ihr nicht, hat es euch denn nicht geschmecket? (‘Why don’t you belch and fart, did you not enjoy the meal?’1). This rule of behaviour has now been abandoned and gas should be released only after having stepped outside. Persistent failure to abide by this rule may lead to social isolation.

If you cannot blame the dog because there aren’t any around, you may try to shoot an embarrassed look at the nearest of your companions. However, everybody knows this trick and it is extremely likely to fail. The same is true for raising your volume while speaking, or moving your chair in an attempt to cover the sound.

Farts can bring more excitement into wedlock if administered in a Dutch Oven2: this is where one partner lets go a huge fart, pulls the duvet cover or bed sheets over the head of their loved one, trapping them in a confusion of methane, while shouting triumphantly, ‘Dutch oven! Dutch oven!’ The person trapped will wriggle like an eel, the trapper will then nearly die laughing and it will all end up in a really boisterous play fight. Of course, this is all in questionable taste.

And on a more serious note, I just read that my friend Christa was nearly hospitalized with painful gas, until she learned the healing power of farts. 🙂

2 thoughts on “Questionable taste

  1. Totally with you on the hilarity of farts. The British love fart jokes, BTW. There’s a famous story about Queen Elizabeth I and a courtier who farted in her presence. He was so embarrased that he banished himself from court for 7 years. When he returned, the queen greeted him by saying “We have long forgotten the fart.” Gerald Ford, who LBJ said was so dumb he couldn’t walk and fart at the same time, was supposedly a major farter. He would fart loudly and then blame one of his Secret Service men, saying “Geez, what’s the matter with you, can’t you show a little class?”.

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