Am I old yet?

I don’t understand people who keep trying to tell me that I am not “old.” In addition to the fact that I am now legally mature to run for President, my body is degrading at a pretty good pace now.

Last week I saw a podiatrist who says I have plantar fasciitis in my left foot and capsulitis in my right foot. The former was probably caused/aggravated by the fact that I use walking as my primary form of transportation, the latter by my attempt to lose weight by jogging. That’s what I get for trying to be healthy! Now I can do neither of those activities for 6-8 weeks (just in time for my honeymoon) and I do a lot of shopping at sites like this.

There’s no need to fight it, I always wanted to be, and now I finally am… OLD.