Here’s my personal guide to What Not to Watch from 2005 (in order of stinkitude):
- The Chronicles of Narnia. Made me want to wash my mouth out with the Fellowship of the Ring to rid me of the taste of sickly sweet poured over bad special effects. Made me want to shoot Santa (to be fair, it doesn’t take much). Did not make me want to re-read the book which I loved as a kid.
- Memoirs of a Geisha. Made me want to apologize for all the white people who still can’t understand that geisha are not glorified prostitutes, even when making a movie about this fact! After seeing this and the miserable Last Samurai (so bad, it’s not worth a link), I’d like to place a temporary restraining order on all American films about Asia, until we can get past our trendy fascination with eastern culture.
- King Kong. Is “because I can” a good enough reason to make an expensive movie? Peter Jackson loses all the cool points I gave him for Meet the Feebles lo those many years ago. What a waste.
Some films didn’t suck out loud, but were simply disappointing:
- Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. I had high hopes, but this just went off track. I prefer the 1971 version.
- The Curse of the Wererabbit. I suggest that Wallace and Gromit stick to the 30-minute format.
As an alternative I recommend either of the excellent poliitcal dramas made by George Clooney in 2005: Good Night and Good Luck and Syriana. I expect Capote to win some awards for it’s incredibly brilliant acting. Or for more action-entertainment, check out the fun and clever Serenity and Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy. It was a good year for science fiction.